For those of you who are wondering if I’ve finally gone over the edge, the answer is yes! This month has been a very trying one for me and I will definitely be glad when it’s over.
I know, I know, the holidays will be upon us soon enough and you don’t want me to hurry things along any faster than need be, but I’m tired and I want cooler weather to hurry up and get here as quickly as possible.
Because the sooner cooler weather gets here the sooner the creatures that generally hibernate in the winter can go find their own place to fall asleep. And since I haven’t gotten much sleep lately, thanks to one of those creatures, I tend to believe that’s a pretty fair request.
I’m a little tired from the lack of sleep lately, which tends to make me cranky, so I know my fellow co-workers and family will be glad when things hopefully return to some sort of normalcy around my house.
For those of you who don’t already know, earlier this month one of God’s slithering little creatures, which tends to like cool spots and hibernates in the winter, decided it wanted to come into my house and make itself at home instead outside where it belongs.
There is nothing in this world that I can personally think of that is more unnerving to me at least, than coming home after a long hard day at work and finding a snake in your bathroom.
Without going into great detail, I had gone to the bathroom and was about to leave when a movement from behind my toilet caught my eye. I slowly turned my head and looked down to see a little black and white creature slithering from behind my toilet.
Needless to say, I quickly sat back down on the toilet, lifted my feet high into the air and let out a scream that I sure could probably be heard by the whole neighborhood.
Thankfully, the little snake just kept moving toward the bathroom door where it preceded to turn and stop. It lifted up its little head and turned and looked at me for a second, just before I let out another blood curdling scream, jumped up and took off running.
The last I saw of the snake its was going behind my clothes hamper which sits next to the bathroom sink.
I ran into the living room, grabbed my cell off table next to my couch and then ran into the kitchen where I preceded to pull out one of the chairs and get up on top of my kitchen table.
Shaking all over, I quickly dialed my cousin’s cell phone number and when he answered, I screamed into the phone for him to come and get this &%$#@ snake out of my house!!!
You see, my cousin, Tim “the Snake Man” (as he has since been nicknamed by me), lives with my mother and brother and has a pet snake, so I figured who better to call than him. I knew he probably wouldn’t have a problem finding the little critter and removing it from my house.
Well, they were a sight for sore eyes when they arrived 15 minutes later, and I’m sure I must have bee a funny sight to see when they walked in, as they both started laughing like crazy.
You see, I was still sitting on the kitchen table, shaking from head to toe, praying and asking God to remove the snake from my house.
“Lord, I know you tell us not to hate any living creature, but you know how I hate snakes. Som, will you please get this thing out of my house?”
Tim came in the house asking me where I saw the snake and where it went.
I quickly informed him “the last time I saw it, it was going behind the clothes hamper in the bathroom.”
Then he proceeded to ask me what color the snake was to which I responded, “I don’t know. It was black I think with some white markings. What difference does it make? It could have been purple for all I care. It was a snake, and I hate snakes!”
Of course, he didn’t find the little slithering creature, not in the bathroom or anywhere else in my house.
Tim said the snake was probably just a “lil’ old rat snake” (his words not mine) and it more than likely went out the way it came in, and I probably scared it more than it scared me.
I seriously doubt that, but before Tim and my brother left, I sent Tim out to my car to retrieve my pistol (for which I have a permit).
I then moved from the kitchen table to the corner of my couch where I curled up for a long night of no sleep. In fact, I ended up sleeping on the couch for several nights, before finally getting brave enough to venture back into my bedroom.
But that was only after I bombarded my house inside and out with moth balls in an effort to ward off any more snakes.
Well, at least I haven’t had anymore unwanted visitors, so I guess all is well. And when I look on the bright side of my little snake dilemma, it did provide my family and friends with a few good laughs over the past couple of weeks. But I am definitely ready for cold weather!
I know everyone was probably looking forward to a recipe this week, but I did my best (not really) to try and find a recipe for snake to share with everyone.
Then I got to thinking, “Who would eat it? I certainly wouldn’t.” So please be patient and I will do my best to find some really “good” recipes to share with you next month.
Elane Jones is a staff reporter for the Daily Mountain Eagle and her column appears every other Sunday. She can be reached at 205-221-2840; or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.