The week that he was born, I was scheduled to be induced on Thursday. Instead, he started coming Tuesday evening and was born in the wee hours of Wednesday.
As a baby, Wyatt logged a lot of hours on his hands and knees without showing any true interest in walking. Then exactly one week after his first birthday, he stood up and started going places.
At one and a half, he wasn’t meeting the word quota expected by the experts. After I freaked out about it, his vocabulary exploded seemingly overnight.
Wyatt’s latest learning curve has been potty training.
As soon as we realized he had grasped the concept of number one and number two, we bought a little green throne just for him. He was making good use of it within the week.
For some reason, he preferred to face the wrong way while doing his business, but hey, what did we care as long as it all stayed in the bowl.
At first, we offered him a marshmallow for each successful bathroom visit.
Wyatt caught onto the bribe immediately and realized he could earn more marshmallows by going every two minutes. At times, he strained so hard for that marshmallow that I was really concerned he might bust something.
Thankfully, he lost interest in the bribe after a few days. A mere round of applause from whichever parent accompanied him to the potty was enough to keep him coming back for more.
Zac and I couldn’t figure out what everybody else was complaining about. Potty training was a piece of cake.
For about a week.
That’s how long it took for Wyatt to start going in his Pull-Ups again. When asked why he hadn’t gone to the potty instead, he snarled his nose and said, “Me don’t want to.”
No further explanation was ever provided. Wyatt just decided that this potty thing was a waste of his time.
Months passed with Wyatt stuck in limbo between trained and not trained.
We offered more rewards, threatened light punishments, bought adorable underwear for him. Wyatt was having none of it.
Just to spite us, he started retreating to far corners of the house when he was having an “accident.”
Sometimes he’d walk right up to us with a mischievous grin on his face and giggle, “Me peed.”
Eventually, my overactive worry gene kicked in and I started having nightmares of him going to kindergarten in diapers.
Of course, I knew it wouldn’t come to that. I just couldn’t find a way to get through to my stubborn toddler.
A stomach virus ended up taking care of that for me.
A little over a month ago, our whole family got the notorious cruise-ship virus without the benefit of the cruise. Wyatt was its first victim.
He had never been that sick in his life, and he was not happy about some of the things coming out of his body without his permission.
Wyatt, who is a very smart little boy, knew instinctively that going to the potty was one way to make the experience as painless as possible.
He hasn’t had any setbacks since that time. However, he still insists on receiving bribes for something that he’d be doing anyway.
The current rate is one Hershey’s kiss for number one and two Hershey’s kisses for number two.
One night last week, he came up to me and announced that he needed two “Hershey bars,” as he prefers to call the kisses.
I knew he had not been to the bathroom lately, so I asked why.
“Cuz me pee and poop at Nana’s!” he said proudly.
Understand that my mother has the same payment plan in place that we do, and I was sure that he had already been compensated accordingly.
As I said, he is a very smart little boy.