My lawnmower is having issues, the tiller's on the blink, the dishwasher is leaking, Jilda's Volvo (Ingrid) needs work, and the transmission of my truck grinds like it's eaten a bad burrito every time I shift gears.
All these machines have served me well through the years, but it's almost as if Ingrid started a nuts and bolts revolution.
I can see the picture in my head. While sitting around a campfire sniffing WD-40 and telling human jokes, she says, “Hey! I've got a great idea. Let's synchronize our solenoids and quit working at the same time.”
Things don't fix themselves, so today I decided to get started on the most important thing first. If the grass in the yard isn't cut soon, it will have to be cut with a scythe, so I decided to start with the lawnmower.
I replaced the fuel filter, air filter, fuel pump and hose. The only part I haven't replaced is the carburetor, and it still coughs and sputters like it has a nasty lung infection.
I decided to see if I had better luck with the tiller, but I discovered I'll have to completely disassemble the old beast to replace a pin not much bigger than a double-strength Tylenol.
This analogy came to mind when I realized I had a blinding stress headache.
I don't want to even discuss Ingrid. The tax refund that we thought we might use to take a trip will go for parts. The parts man will now be able to travel at our expense.
It's enough to make a saint swear.
Having the ability to fix things is both a blessing and a curse. A lot of people would simply call a repairman or load their defective machines up and take them to the shop.
That's fine and dandy if you're loaded with the moola, but since I've become un-jobbed, I don't have the disposable income I once had, unless of course I knock off a liquor store.
Through the years, I've had some success stories, but I've had other repair episodes that have gone terribly wrong.
There have been times I got so frustrated with whatever I was trying to repair, that I loaded it up, took it the recycling place and purchased a new device.
I'm not to the recycling stage yet, but I decided to step away from the tool shed for a while and collect my thoughts.
I found myself flipping through Mother Earth News and picturing myself astride a new John Deere yard tractor with the optional mulcher and bagger with cup holder designed to carry a glass of ice tea or an adult beverage if you're mowing on a hot summer Saturday — just saying.
Well, enough of this drooling over new lawnmowers. My headache has subsided, and I'm headed back to the tool shed with a new attitude.
I do think I'll lock up all the WD-40 just to ensure I have no more machines that join the rebellion.